Clothed with strength and dignity.

An article on crosswalk.com caught my eye about a week ago: What Men Really Think About Successful, Independent Women.

:)

Cliff Young writes:

Some women give off the impression that they are so independent that they don’t need anyone else, especially a husband. Many times this may not be the case, but a self-assured personality along with a settled lifestyle of having a home, career, and everything in order can make a man feel as if there’s no place for a man in her life.

Many men end up not pursuing women like this not out of intimidation, but rather out of perceived “ultra-independence” on the woman’s part. According to many single males who I’ve talked with, some women puts out signals, consciously or unconsciously, that they aren’t interested in a relationship. They are fine the way they are, and they don’t need a man in their life – no matter what they may say.

It seems to me that what a man might define as “ultra-independence,” a woman may characterize as “continuing to provide for myself because no one else has volunteered to do it.” Or “using the skills and knowledge that God has blessed me with to help others, since He has not given me a family to be my first priority.”

I’m not trying to be snarky or difficult, but when a woman has gone through college and there is no potential husband on the horizon, what should she do? Move back home, and lie on the couch watching soap operas and Oprah all day, and mooch off of her parents? No, she either enters the work force or goes to graduate school (...and then enters the work force). If she is generally personable, industrious and reliable, she will probably succeed in her job and gain self-confidence (and maybe a promotion or two, and a little extra spending money). Along the way, she may purchase a new car, since she does not have an amateur auto mechanic a husband close at hand, and she needs reliable transportation which will not break down on some dark, lonely road late at night. She may also decide to purchase a home as an investment for her future.

Voilà: the “ultra-independent career woman.”

I do not believe men should ever assume that a Christian woman would prefer career over family unless she has explicitly stated that fact directly to them. Some ultra-conservative commentators would have us believe that women are making a deliberate, feminist choice when we go to graduate school or even college, that we eschew home and family in favor of idolizing our own achievements and independence.

On the contrary, I believe many young women are simply trying to be faithful and "do the next thing" when they further their education or accept a job. While allowing for the wonderful diversity of temperaments and characters that God has blessed us with, in general, women are created by God to be nurturers and "nesters." Many of us treasure the dream of being wives and mothers as our highest aspiration. But meanwhile, we are grateful for the opportunity to serve God in the workplace (whether in Christian service or a secular career). And should the time come that we are married, we would probably be glad to continue working if this were necessary or helpful to provide for our family; or should we make the decision not to work outside the home for pay... we would still be working... harder than ever!

While some of the advice directed to guys in this article seemed very wise; there didn't really seem to be much in the way of concrete suggestions for the "ultra-independent career women" readers to improve our situation. Are we to hold ourselves back, be embarrassed for our successes, hide our accomplishments, take a lower-paying job, play "dumb" all the time?! I don't get it.

(There I go, playing dumb!)

The other thing which bugged me about this article was that there was absolutely no reference to Scripture. Rather, there was a lot of commentary about what single Christian men “tend to” believe and think about women, rather than about what they should be looking for in a wife.

Hmm. I won’t quote it all, but…

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax, and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night…
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy…
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
And let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

-Proverbs 31:10-18,20,25-31

So here is my prayer for all of my sisters, whether married or single, whether working outside the home or not... in the church we are all the Bride of Christ. Let us be clothed with strength and dignity, through His mercy and grace.